Happiest Year to Date
2023 was possibly my happiest year to date, and for reasons that might seem antithetical to the experience and outlook of other people. It began with 19 days of hospitalization (the first time ever), with acute kidney failure and blood filling my lungs, and an uncertain prospect for continuation. I entered my hospitalization with the view that simply being alive and aware are in themselves salient, the sources and residence of a kind of radiance and contentment.
As I lay in my hospital bed, I diligently sought out the radiance of the individuals who were there to care for me, and had many experiences of profound sharing and communality. I happened to overhear one nurse say to another that “When I care for a patient like Timothy, it renews my faith in being a nurse.” Because my wife has mobility issues, it was nearly two weeks before she came to visit. It just so happened that there was a male nurse attending to me, and in talking with him, I found out that he is a dancer in a traditional Filipino style. I asked him if he would demonstrate. He was happy to do so, and just as he was starting his dance, my wife and a niece who was assisting her suddenly entered the room, just in time to enjoy the display. I read original poems to my care team, shared some Vimeo videos of original music as well, and participated in many heart-to-heart discussions. Months after my stay the head of my care team wrote this is a private email: “It was a real honor for our Medicine team to care for you in the hospital early this year.”
We often do not have much control over the circumstances of our lives, but we do have choices about the lens through which we view our experiences, ourselves, and others around us. I realized - in real time - that even in the most dire circumstances, we have the innate capacity to uplift and validate others, sometimes just with our mere presence. Knowing this, understanding this, makes me profoundly happy!
(Posted 01/06/2024)
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